Apple, as a company, needs to die horribly
Fuck Apple.
So, I'm a software developer by trade. As part of my job, I build software for my company's clients, whether it is desktop software, web applications, or, now, phone apps.
At this point (actually as of a few months ago), I can claim I've published an app to iTunes and Google Play (the Android app store), though in all reality, it's only really a secure wrapper around a web application (which I didn't write the base for, but overhauled, rewriting roughly 60-70% of it). In this case, it's a mobile banking application.
Today, one week after we uploaded a version of the app (we're uploading an app for each credit union that's purchased it, and we already have one available in the app stores) to iTunes for review (something else I'd complain about, but that's for another time), the app is wholly rejected because, and I quote:
Apps that exhibit bugs will be rejected
That is
literally (yes, literally, verbatim, exactly) all their fucking documentation states. Nothing to classify what a bug is, or how they determine that it is a bug (because they determine it by
whim, and if they decide it's a bug, fuck you, it's a bug).
The bug they claimed? That the application displayed a message informing them that the login
failed. And it wasn't a popup message box showing error details, wasn't anything cryptic, the error message we gave was (not exact, but similar):
90: We were unable to log you in. Please try again later.
So... failing to log in is a
bug in Apple's eyes? Then why aren't their apps "pulled", as well as a good 80% of third party apps, because I sure as fuck can fail logging in to those (hell, they also have a clause that says "apps that crash will be rejected", yet I keep finding apps that crash, including a few of Apple's own). The
only issue I could see is the cryptic error code (90), which comes from the backend provider (a banking system), and means "non-numeric characters in Account lookup". Remember that error message.
But, there's more to the story than that. Since it's a mobile banking application, the login isn't "username/password", but "account/pin/secret", which basically translates to:
- Account = Username
- PIN = Password
- Secret = Another Password
The app itself shows those 3 fields on the login page (as Account, PIN, Secret) and are very clearly labeled.
But when we fill out the thing to have Apple review it, they give us Username and Password. So, OK, I put the test account number in the Username field, the PIN in the Password field, and the Secret in the "additional notes" section, where I also put other details. So, the thing they would look at, if similar to how we see it, says (again, not exact):
Login requires Account (Username), PIN (Password), and Secret. For the test account, secret is: TheirSecret
Username: 123456
Password: PW1234
Which, honestly, should be pretty damn straightforward.
Now, back to today, where instead of straightforward, the
fucktard Apple reviewer rejects our app (to the point they
removed the binary, meaning we have to recompile and reupload), claiming there is a bug, and gives us a screenshot of the login failure.
Now, when you go to log in anywhere, a few things:
- The password field is obscured, so you can't see your own password.
- If there are multiple password fields, all of them are like that (in our case, PIN and Secret are password fields).
- If you enter your password wrong and it takes you back to try logging in again, any password fields are cleared.
So, I look at the screenshot, and what do I see (please excuse the horrible text representation, I don't feel like busting out a paint program)?
Code:
Account PIN
[ PW1234 ] [ ]
Secret
[ ]
( Login )
Now, what was "PW1234"? It sure as
fuck wasn't the account number. And it explains the error I told you to remember. "PW" aren't numbers, so the account lookup from the backend system immediately threw that back.
So the reviewer, the person they
pay, probably with the
$100 a year that they
extort from developers, who acts as a fucking gatekeeper for apps to their shit store, can't fucking follow directions and claims their own
FUCKING failure is a
bug in our app, and promptly rejects it, so we have to reupload and start back at square one with an approximate 7 day wait until they review it again.
Seriously.
Fuck Apple. The only reason I have an iPad is because my work provided it, because I sure as fuck wouldn't spend $500-600 for one.
Google may not be completely spotless with Android but they sure as fuck are a lot better than Apple. Google charges $25
one time to be an app publisher, and has no manual review process. You upload, give your description and screenshots, and
presto, you're on Google Play.
Addendum:
For the first mobile banking app we uploaded, it was "soft"-rejected
twice by Apple for:
- Not providing a login for them to test (on a live banking system we can't put an account on, we had to ask the credit union)
- Not providing money in the test accounts so they could test transfers (a feature of the app, again, had to ask the credit union)
But in that case, Apple only "soft"-rejected it, so once we "fixed" it, it went right back into review, front of the queue. Now, for every other app, we ask the credit union in advance for this so they give us the artwork and a login.
But this time? A simple login failure is a
fuck you delete your app we don't want you here offense.