Sinful Feline
Well-Known Member
Keep Venting/Ranting... Those of us who care will keep listening and keep offering what little help we can.
Your always welcome.
Your always welcome.
Worst day of my life. (ACW)
- Thread starter Rhysis
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Amelina Chamberlain
New Member
Hey darlin. I haven't posted a reply to any of this yet. As most of you know, I have my own issues i'm dealing with. Someone said " It gets worse before it gets better " .... man is that ever true.
You have alot of people who care about you, and if you ever need to talk to someone who is currently going through damned near the same things as you, please don't hesitate to hit me up. Yahoo.. here.. whatever.
Most around here are so supportive and it is a wonderful feeling. I know I wouldn't have been able to make it through the last few weeks without some of you. The way this community helps out it's " family " is amazing and makes my heart sing through all the darkness surrounding it currently.
Rhysis, I wish I could give you a hug, sounds like you could use one right about now. But unfortunately all I can offer is some words of advice. Everyone's pain is different, so I won't bother to say " I know how you feel. " but know that eventually the pain dulls to an ache. And that is when the healing begins. If it ends in a divorce, don't let it ruin you from a possible happy future. Hard to say when i'm sittin here going " NEVER AGAIN! " lol but it's the truth. If it happens to work out, then all the better.
Don't lose hope, keep your head up and know there are many people pulling for you and backing you up.
~Robin
You have alot of people who care about you, and if you ever need to talk to someone who is currently going through damned near the same things as you, please don't hesitate to hit me up. Yahoo.. here.. whatever.
Most around here are so supportive and it is a wonderful feeling. I know I wouldn't have been able to make it through the last few weeks without some of you. The way this community helps out it's " family " is amazing and makes my heart sing through all the darkness surrounding it currently.
Rhysis, I wish I could give you a hug, sounds like you could use one right about now. But unfortunately all I can offer is some words of advice. Everyone's pain is different, so I won't bother to say " I know how you feel. " but know that eventually the pain dulls to an ache. And that is when the healing begins. If it ends in a divorce, don't let it ruin you from a possible happy future. Hard to say when i'm sittin here going " NEVER AGAIN! " lol but it's the truth. If it happens to work out, then all the better.
Don't lose hope, keep your head up and know there are many people pulling for you and backing you up.
~Robin
Raharanor
~A Noble One Shall Rise~
It seems that many of us have already covered most of the bases as regards to Rhysis' most unfortunate situation. However, I shall say the following....
If your wife isn't willing to continue with working out your marital problems then she either didn't have her heart in it in the first place or was probably afflicted by, as someone suggested earlier, a mid-life unheaval(or as I term it, a mid-life crisis). However, I'd highly suggest you watch some movies or read a book you enjoy to stave off the situation even it is only for an hour or so..this helps me during times I've been down and out. Mind you, I haven't had any real-life experience in relationships barring a little online but there is one other thing I do know...and that is that many problems tend to originate from lack of communication due to long work hours and/or not enough 'together' time with her and/or children.
Anywho, I am truly sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope that a resolution of sorts to this saga can be brought about. I also extend an invitation to rant in my pm box also...as it has been said, better than ranting in real life and hurting others in process.
Lastly, stay optimistic about the situation...even if it is difficult to find any positives at the moment.
Keep us posted.
Richard
If your wife isn't willing to continue with working out your marital problems then she either didn't have her heart in it in the first place or was probably afflicted by, as someone suggested earlier, a mid-life unheaval(or as I term it, a mid-life crisis). However, I'd highly suggest you watch some movies or read a book you enjoy to stave off the situation even it is only for an hour or so..this helps me during times I've been down and out. Mind you, I haven't had any real-life experience in relationships barring a little online but there is one other thing I do know...and that is that many problems tend to originate from lack of communication due to long work hours and/or not enough 'together' time with her and/or children.
Anywho, I am truly sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope that a resolution of sorts to this saga can be brought about. I also extend an invitation to rant in my pm box also...as it has been said, better than ranting in real life and hurting others in process.
Lastly, stay optimistic about the situation...even if it is difficult to find any positives at the moment.
Keep us posted.
Richard
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...I don't know what to say...
I called her, asking if she wanted to bring something on the vacation we were going to try and work things out with. There was a lot after that but it came down to, she changed her mind. She has an appointment with a divorce lawyer on Wednesday. It would seem, to her, "separation" translates to "a 3 day delay in the divorce procedures"
She's giving me tomorrow morning, after work when she and I are dead tired, to talk. In that 1-2 hours we are supposed to talk about everything we were going to talk about in the 5 days we were going to have on vacation. That's it. That's all she's giving me.
I'm running out of tears, and it still hurts just as much.
What did I do, or rather fail to do, that she felt the need to go this far this quick? What happened to the countless times that we told each other that no matter what happened, or how hard it got, we would stay together? What could possibly be going through her head that makes her think running to another man who is going through a divorce where both parties are pissed off at each other is a good idea? Can't she see that there has to be something wrong with him, quite possibly worse than what's wrong with me? Why is it, every single time I've left my in-laws' house with the kids to head for here, it's started to rain? Why, literally, at this very instant in time, do I suddenly feel like I'm falling down an endless hole, increasingly gaining speed? Why do I still think I'm going to be able to change her mind? Why are there no answers to any of these or a thousand other questions I have?
It hurts, to the point where I wouldn't wish this on the most deplorable, murdering, child-raping, soil on the shoe of a pile of sludge person on the planet.
And it's still getting worse.
I called her, asking if she wanted to bring something on the vacation we were going to try and work things out with. There was a lot after that but it came down to, she changed her mind. She has an appointment with a divorce lawyer on Wednesday. It would seem, to her, "separation" translates to "a 3 day delay in the divorce procedures"
She's giving me tomorrow morning, after work when she and I are dead tired, to talk. In that 1-2 hours we are supposed to talk about everything we were going to talk about in the 5 days we were going to have on vacation. That's it. That's all she's giving me.
I'm running out of tears, and it still hurts just as much.
What did I do, or rather fail to do, that she felt the need to go this far this quick? What happened to the countless times that we told each other that no matter what happened, or how hard it got, we would stay together? What could possibly be going through her head that makes her think running to another man who is going through a divorce where both parties are pissed off at each other is a good idea? Can't she see that there has to be something wrong with him, quite possibly worse than what's wrong with me? Why is it, every single time I've left my in-laws' house with the kids to head for here, it's started to rain? Why, literally, at this very instant in time, do I suddenly feel like I'm falling down an endless hole, increasingly gaining speed? Why do I still think I'm going to be able to change her mind? Why are there no answers to any of these or a thousand other questions I have?
It hurts, to the point where I wouldn't wish this on the most deplorable, murdering, child-raping, soil on the shoe of a pile of sludge person on the planet.
And it's still getting worse.
Amelina Chamberlain
New Member
Keep your head up darlin. Never know what one or two hours of serious talking will accomplish. Though, I will say that once ya'll start talking if she doesn't seem interested, then I would suggest you stop trying. I know what it's like to be the one in the relationship wanting to work it out and having the other ignore, not care and simply put up with a talk. I know when i'm being pushed aside... your right.. it does hurt. I've cried more in the last month than I have in my life. But I know, that in the end, if it's a divorce or it gets worked out, it will be worth it. Life goes on even though we are broken. Never forget that.
Sinful Feline
Well-Known Member
Well said...Let me add...What ever you do..Do not blow up and yell during this conversation...Words said now can and most often are warped about and twisted then used against you later. But Don't let her walk all over you or leave you with false hope...Ask for the plain truth and expect it to hurt. It will hurt but it'll be far better then the knives already stuck in your back!
So it finally happened. I've gotten to the point where I'm not dwelling on it 24 hours a day. It still hurts just as bad, and it's still on my mind non-stop, but I've managed to begin being able to focus on other things for short (very short) bursts of time. Recovery? Maybe. Coping? Probably more accurate. Closure? I only wish it were that easy.
SJ_the_Bartender
Perma-Newbie
What stage is the divorce in? Papers filed?
And don't expect this to be the end of your misery. More than likely, you will relapse a couple times into whatever quivering little pussball you become when you get news like this. Be prepared for it, and it won't hurt so bad when it happens, and then you will be able to climb back up to where you are now more easily.
And don't expect this to be the end of your misery. More than likely, you will relapse a couple times into whatever quivering little pussball you become when you get news like this. Be prepared for it, and it won't hurt so bad when it happens, and then you will be able to climb back up to where you are now more easily.
She's got an appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday. It's a consultation. I'm not even going to bother contesting it, because it just hurts worse. If she wants it, ultimately, she'll get it, and I'm not willing to go through the heartache and expense just to have it end up the same way, and with no chance for any sort of positive relationship whatsoever. At least this way, somewhere down the road, if one of us needs to talk to someone, we're still an option for each other.
SJ_the_Bartender
Perma-Newbie
Quit holding on to hope of fixing this. Its not going to happen.
What do you want out of the marriage? The kids? House? Car? Dog? That stuffed teddy bear you won her at the county fair?
What do you want out of the marriage? The kids? House? Car? Dog? That stuffed teddy bear you won her at the county fair?
What, exactly, did you think that last message meant? I'm NOT contesting the divorce. We've finally managed to have a decent conversation, and we're figuring things out. I'm still going to get a lawyer simply for precautionary reasons, because she is very easily influenced.
It still hurts like Hell...literally...and to say I'm okay would be the biggest lie I ever told in my life, but I'm better. We both already know what we're getting through the divorce. The only thing that we need to figure out is how custody/visitations are going to work. I'm going to talk to her either tomorrow or Tuesday so we can figure that out before we talk to lawyers, as my appointment is also on Wednesday.
It still hurts like Hell...literally...and to say I'm okay would be the biggest lie I ever told in my life, but I'm better. We both already know what we're getting through the divorce. The only thing that we need to figure out is how custody/visitations are going to work. I'm going to talk to her either tomorrow or Tuesday so we can figure that out before we talk to lawyers, as my appointment is also on Wednesday.
Sinful Feline
Well-Known Member
Don't under estimate her lawyer, don't let him/her push you into something you don't want to settle for...Strength is what I wish for you.
Raharanor
~A Noble One Shall Rise~
In other words, do not let yourself get short-changed by the opposing lawyer. It is well known that husbands often tend to get the raw end of the deal in regards to divorce settlements (I may be generalizing, but keep it in mind anyway).
SJ_the_Bartender
Perma-Newbie
That means that you aren't contesting the divorce. That says nothing about what you expect to take away... i.e. house, car, kids.
SJ_the_Bartender
Perma-Newbie
Why is it so fucking hard for some people to understand english? Are you somehow confusing my message and Raharanor's? I was the one who quoted you. He was the one who suggested you take precautions about her lawyer.
I didn't ask if you had a lawyer. I didn't ask if she had a lawyer. I didn't ask anything about lawyers, plural or otherwise.
I didn't ask if you had it figured out, or not.
I asked what you wanted out of the marriage. You have failed, repeatedly, to answer that question. Even if you said 'I don't want to discuss that', it would have been an acceptable response, because it actually answered the question. You didn't even respond properly with your non-answer.
The correct answer to the question posed would be a list of items, such as 'the house, the car, and the kids', or some other list of items which you feel you deserve to maintain sole possession over after the divorce is finalized.
I would even have been more forgiving had you made the understandable mistake of giving the list of items which you and your soon-to-be-ex-wife have already agreed upon you keeping. That would've still not answered my question properly, but at least it would've been an understandable mistake. In fact, I might not even have known it was a mistake, depending on the wording.
I didn't ask if you had a lawyer. I didn't ask if she had a lawyer. I didn't ask anything about lawyers, plural or otherwise.
I didn't ask if you had it figured out, or not.
I asked what you wanted out of the marriage. You have failed, repeatedly, to answer that question. Even if you said 'I don't want to discuss that', it would have been an acceptable response, because it actually answered the question. You didn't even respond properly with your non-answer.
The correct answer to the question posed would be a list of items, such as 'the house, the car, and the kids', or some other list of items which you feel you deserve to maintain sole possession over after the divorce is finalized.
I would even have been more forgiving had you made the understandable mistake of giving the list of items which you and your soon-to-be-ex-wife have already agreed upon you keeping. That would've still not answered my question properly, but at least it would've been an understandable mistake. In fact, I might not even have known it was a mistake, depending on the wording.
Before you talk to me about how I should word things, make your own clear.
And before you start attempting to insult me with your childish snide comments, take into consideration that I don't like you, and all you're actually doing is making me think even less of you. I know you don't care and it's good that you don't, but if you have any sort of humanity in you whatsoever, maybe you'll realize that this isn't exactly the easiest time in my life, and maybe, just maybe if I'm not saying anything about this, it's because it's none of your business.
You're petty and selfish, have an amazing attitude problem, and never seem to be able to admit when you're wrong. You have some of the lowest morals I've seen from anyone in a long time, and although there's enough intelligence behind that to keep it in check enough to and seriously need to be kicked in the teeth. I started this thread as a way for me to get out my frustration without going off on anyone, but since you can't seem to respect anything but what you see in your narrow tunnel, I see little point in moving on with it.
To those of you who showed some amount of support, thank you. SJ, grow up.
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