The Christmas Tree’s Experience
[FONT="]“Oh what another beautiful day here in the forest, another year has passed and the snow is feeling oh so wonderful. Life can’t get better then this.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]“Strange, the animals seem to be running away very fast. Was it something I said? Do I smell? Smell, what is that strange smell anyways? Not me. I still have my same piney scent as I always do since I sprouted two cycles ago.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]As humans approach with chainsaws, “What the hell are these strange creatures? What is that fur upon their bodies? What are they holding within their paws? I’m not liking the feeling of this. Get away from me with that thing!!!! ACK, THE NOISE IS SO LOUD!!!!! GAAAAHHHHHHHHH, THAT HURTS!!!!! STOP IT I SAY!!!!!! MURDER!!!!! MURDER!!!!! AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The tree crashes to the ground with a loud thud, “Oh great, that’s going to leave a nasty mark. Can’t they tell I’m bleeding? What is wrong with these monsters? Wait a minute, what are they doing???? Isn’t their torture of me enough?!!!!” ALIEN ABDUCTION!!!! STOP CARRYING ME!!!!! ABDUCTION!!!!!!” The tree sees as it’s carried to the truck already holding a number of trees already cut down, “GAHHHH!!!!!! MASS ABDUCTION!!!!!!! MASS ALIEN ABDUCTION!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!! I DON’T WANT TO GO WITH YOU BEASTS!!!!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]“What the hell is wrong with these creatures???? Where are they taking us??? What the hell is this strange beast they threw us, and WHY THE HELL DID THEY CUT US DOWN!!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]“OUCH, THAT FRICKEN HURT!!!!! PLACE ME GENTLY ONTO THE GROUND NEXT TIME!!!!! GAHHHH, STOP PILING OTHERS ONTO ME AS WELL, YOU’RE SUFFOCATING ME!!!!!! Oh great, I hope it don’t get any worse then this.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]A couple days later, “Oh finally now you’ve uncovered me you pricks!! Wait a minute, don’t toss me back there again!!!! Oh where the heck are we going now??”[/FONT]
[FONT="]After some time on the road, the trees reach the ship yard. “These are strange creatures, why are they poking and prodding me??? What is that you’re sticking onto my branch??? GET IT OFF!!!!! NO, DON’T THROW ME IN THERE!!!! IT’S DARK!!!!! I’M BLIND!!!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]After the shipping crate is loaded and the ship is on it’s way to the Hawai’ian Islands, “What the hell is with all this rocking and shaking. I feel sick. Someone please wake me from this nightmare. That’s it, I’m having a bad nightmare. I’m really still in the forest covered snugly within my blanket of snow. I just drank some bad water. SOMEONE WAKE ME UP!!!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]After the ship docks and the crate is unloaded, the door opens, “GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH THE LIGHT!!!!!!!!! BRIGHT LIGHT!!!!!! Hey, what are you doing???? LET ME GO!!!!! NO, NO, NO DON’T BANG ME!!!!! THAT FRICKEN HURTS!!!!! Would you like someone to grab you and smack you against the ground really hard?!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!! STOP THAT!!!!!! I’M A DELICATE TREE THAT HAS BEEN THROUGH NIGHTMARISH TORTURE!!!!! You’re getting pleasure from this, aren’t you, you sadistic monsters with odd fur?”[/FONT]
[FONT="]“AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH, DON’T THROW ME!!!!!!!!!! Whew, I was caught.” It sees the tree branch bundler, “What now??? NO, DON’T PUSH ME THROUGH THERE!!!!!!! YOU ARE A BUNCH OF SICKOS!!!!! GET THIS STUFF OFF OF ME, IT’S CRUSHING MY BEAUTIFUL BRANCHES!!!!!!! Oh great, another moving beast of strange cold material. At least the weather is warmer here. Hey where is my snow? Where am I? These strange creatures have different fur, so colorful and cheerful. I really don’t like the feeling of this, AND IT SUCKS!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The truck finally reaches its destination, the parking lot of Daiei where there is a tent for the Christmas trees, “Is this is??? Why are these animals looking at me like that? They are very odd looking indeed, all sorts of strange shapes and sizes with various furs. Maybe one will be sympathetic and help me? Wait a minute, there are many more trees here. I know the look of that thing within that one’s paw!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The tree stands there in the tent amongst the other trees as the days pass, watching as some are picked and part of their stumps removed, “WHEN WILL THE TORTURE STOP??!!!! THESE CREATURES ARE MONSTERS!!!!! WHY WON’T THEY LEAVE US ALONE!!!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]A month has passed and it’s the stand’s last day, and closing has come. “What is going on now? Why am I being carried outside this cover like thing? At least I did not go through like so many have already. This life sucks. Be careful with me, I’ve been through enough as it is, and I’m thirsty as hell. Oh great, more creatures coming through and now just grabbing others. I’ve given up trying to figure these strange things out. I can’t figure out for the tree life of me what they really want. I just hope it ends soon.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]An hour passes as me and my wife drive up and see the tree grab-for-all going on. “Hey, don’t touch me, put me down. Why are you looking at me like that? Keep your paws off my branches!!! I’ve been molested enough as it is. Hey put me down!!!! DON’T SHOVE ME IN THERE!!!!!! {Tree being shoved into the trunk of our car and it’s top sticking through the backseats which are down.} Where am I going this time? Are you fricken nuts?? I’m really sick and tired of being handled as some object who you are getting pleasure from torturing and shoving into things.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]An hour later we arrive home with our tree, readying it for it’s pull out through the back door, “HEY LET ME GO, STOP PULLING ME!!!!! THAT HURTS!!!! I thought you were a nice looking couple as well. Why is that creature have a crazy look in his eye with a strange contraption?? He looks way to happy. {I bring out our hand-held jig-saw. {manical laugh}}. Get that choppy thing away from me!!!!! THE NOISE AGAIN!!!! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT HURTS!!!!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!!! Oh great, I’m less of a tree now more then I previously was. Oh that feels good now, continue to remove that stuff binding my branches. {I removed the plastic netting from the tree.} Oh yes, that’s the stuff, I’ve been thirsty. Oh sweet water!!!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]It looks around as it stands in a bucket of water, standing against the tile column facing our yard, “I’m really not liking the looks of this place. I see a lot of other plants, and what’s worse is it’s also filled with large stalks of plants already cut!!!!!! I’M IN HELL!!!!!! WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!!! I’M DOOMED!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The next day, “Please put me down, I’m an innocent tree!!!!! Hey, don’t put me in that!!!!! ACK, THAT HURTS!!!! STOP SQUEEZING MY TRUNK WITH THOSE THINGS!!!!!! Why is that new one looking at me funny?? HEY, GET THAT STUFF AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!”[/FONT]
[FONT="]My daughter brings out the decorations and starts her decorating the tree. “This is strange, this creature is covering me with these strange things and these pretty lights. All this is making me feel different. I feel cheery. OOOOOOOOO, pretty twinkling lights. This is giving me a warm fuzzy feeling.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]As the days pass and presents are slowly brought under the tree, “What’s these things? They are strange rocks with different shapes and colors. Pretty.”[/FONT]
[FONT="]The possible thoughts of the tree in the future after the holidays end.[/FONT]
[FONT="]“What is going on now?? Why are they removing this stuff from me, I’m losing my cheery feeling. HAPPY PLACE GONE!!!!! PLEASE PUT ME BACK IN THE HAPPY PLACE!!!!!! Oh great, back to the sucky feeling as though something wrong is going to happen. Please put me back, I don’t want to go back out there!!!!! AAAAGGGGHHHHH, DON’T THROW ME THERE!!!!! I DON’T WANT TO JOIN THOSE PLANTS!!!!!!!!!!” The tree is tossed into our front yard with the rest of our yard trimmings, waiting for pick-up.[/FONT]
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