A Conversation...

illogical_reality

illogical_reality

The l33t One
Okay, so, let me explain exactly what this is. I know that it seems a little weird, but, one day I decided to allow my twins to have a conversation. For those of you who don't know, I'm a Gemini aka The Twins. Basically, this is a conversation between my inner self that the world sees and the inner self that I keep hidden. The names are actually two of my Y! screennames. Now that you understand, questions and critiques are more than welcome.​

A Conversation
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Tormented Desires: I hate you.
Whispered Melody: I know.
Tormented Desires: I take it you aren't suprised to hear it then?
Whispered Melody: Why should I be? We pretend on a daily basis, and you condemn me for the past. There's nothing I can do to change your mind. We wander through this farce, this playtime, and -kisskiss- you are my best friend...when in reality, we're really sneering behind one another's back.
Tormented Desires: Darling, you over-analyze every relationship and pretend that it doesn't matter when I know that it hurts you. That is the meaning of the pretense. To keep me beside you even though we both know that we're just digging a grave and slowly pushing our friendship into the newly turned earth.
Whispered Melody: Yes. But haven't we always done so? Have we not always managed to make small talk and pretended to care about how life is going for the other? Yes, I think we have. Is it worth hanging on to? I don't know anymore.
Tormented Desires: Of course, pet. It's always worth it. We need to hope that one day one of us will wake up and realize that hurting each other is what our relationship is all about. I hate you, and yet, I still speak and pretend.
Whispered Melody: So, perhaps you just love to hate me.
Tormented Desires: Perhaps.
Whispered Melody: Well, until next time. -kisskiss-
Tormented Desires: -kisskiss- I hope you'll be happy, darling. I really do.
Whispered Melody: It seems an unlikely possability. Only you know how to make me truly happy.
Tormented Desires: Yes, but I hate you.
Whispered Melody: Mistakes are my perfection. I thrive in unhealthy relationships.
Tormented Desires: Good. Then we should work well together through the years.
Whispered Melody: Haven't we always?
Tormented Desires: Yes. I still hate you.
Whispered Melody: And I can't let go.
Tormented Desires: No. You can't. That is why we are here, isn't it?
Whispered Melody: For eternity, dearest. Forever.
Tormented Desires: Yes. I agree. Forever.​
 
LoL. It's okay. There are a ton of things that come to my mind about this as well and not all of them are pleasant. Let's just say I was a little....disturbed....when I wrote it. It's about 4 years old. I've never shared it before because it was private and now that I'm on this whole new share myself and who I truly am with the world kick, I figured what better place to post it than here? To understand the writing, sometimes you have to know the backstory. Suffice it to say that I was in a very bad relationship at the time with a person who made it a point to tell me how stupid, fat, ugly and hated I was on a daily basis, which in turn caused me to hate myself so much, that I refused to even look in mirrors for about 6 months after we broke up. I hated my own reflection that much. Oddly enough, I knew even at the time, that the relationship was unhealthy and I needed to get out, but for selfish and stupid reasons, I stayed.
 
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Personally I think everyone does this on some level we argue with ourselves whats good for us against what feels good at the moment what will last and what is momentary. All in all though that could be chopped down using Frued and the Ego and Super Ego or is it the Id. Ahh well something or other.
 
I agree with Mith. Everybody has a public and a private personality. Some of us have a lot of public personalities. The real scary people have a lot of public AND a lot of private personalities.

There's a point to this I swear.

There's always going to be something going on that you have a conflict with. Your better judgement can be as harsh as any bully, but it's doing so due to self preservation, be it physical, emotional, moral, whatever.

As for your destructive relationship, I can somewhat relate. While I've never been in one like it myself, my wife was before she met me. She got out of it something along the lines of 6 years ago, possibly more, and she's still having struggles with some of the after effect. Her self confidence, while higher than it was, leaves something to be desired.

In another case I can think of, a friend of mine who will remain nameless, but a good number of you know, seems to thrive on harmful experiences. They are painful at the time, but it has become such a normal thing for this person, that they gravitate toward it. All I can say to anyone in a similar situation is, while it may not all be your fault, do EVERYTHING you can to break off any bad relationships like this. NO they are not, will not, and likely have NEVER VEEN healthy.

PS If anyone wants to talk, be it advice, venting, whatever, IM me.
 
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